Written for my brother, Ethan, on his 18th birthday

Today is your birthday, oh yes, it’s today!

Celebrate in the most wonderful way.

But first, with some jokes and a few sly Seuss-isms,

allow me to guide you through Adult-World Prisms.

You can legally vote now, and go off to war – 

but that is not all that Adulthood is for. 

Adulthood is taxes, and cubicles too,

and mortgages, colleges, car payments too.

You’ll go into debt, and your credit might drop; 

you might keep on spending, although you should stop.

You also might graduate Suma Cum Laude,

Your family and friends will all be very proud.

A house you could own, and a wife you might marry,

with all of the Adult stuff you might have to carry. 

Adulthood is good, you just have to take care,

Since dependable parents will no longer be there.

Suck up to your boss, and don’t mess with The Man,

and you’ll do just as well as, well, anyone can.

Don’t smoke too much weed, but remember to party –

a cocktail has never made anyone sorry.

I know you’ll do well – you’re quite the savant –

talented, handsome, and shockingly blunt.

And now for a secret that I’ll try to share,

take it to heart, if you can – if you dare:

The Rule for Adults is the same as for Kids –

stock markets don’t matter, and neither do bids.

To paraphrase Seuss, something I’ll do right now:

It’s fun to have fun, you just have to know how.

So party! Because you’ll soon be six feet under.

I’m sorry if this stole your big birthday thunder.

(p.s. Now, is your tongue numb???)

– 2009