As a perfectionist, I put a lot of pressure on myself. A completed project could always be done better, a piano piece practiced more, a meal better cooked. As someone who has lived with perfectionism for a lifetime, it goes without saying that I’ve always seen mistakes that I've made as bad – signs that … Continue reading Light Through the Cracks
anxiety
My Buddhist Gift
Research professor, lecturer and author Brene Brown has said, “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both.” I’ve dealt with chronic anxiety my whole life. I intensely overthink, worry, play out hypothetical situations to the “nth” degree, and lose sleep. This anxiety has transcended all aspects of my life … Continue reading My Buddhist Gift
The Weight That’s Left Behind
A quickness in the breath A clearing of the throat A flexing of the knuckles To keep oneself afloat Hands are used to to push Through hours and through days Whispering encouragements And building up with praise Work through others' tensions Massage away the pain They walk away unburdened And thank you for their gain … Continue reading The Weight That’s Left Behind
My Best
I did my best until I couldn’t anymore and suddenly, one day, I stopped. I’m still recovering.I spent a lifetime at my best. Ceaselessly pushing, holding myself up. Everything at its peak. Running on all cylinders, all the time. Nothing less. I spent years on eggshells as I waited for my best to pay off. … Continue reading My Best
Gardening
When I feel myself dipping into an all-too-familiar rabbit hole of worry and focus on everything that is going wrong (that hole, with its darkness and dankness and suffocating closeness) I'm trying to recognize the good things more. I'm trying to step back - just a little - and remember everything that has gone right. I'm reliving … Continue reading Gardening
Girl
Hello to the little girl that was me years ago, before I got older, grew up, and did the things you're supposed to do. . Hello to that girl, who stayed with me, living quietly in my brain most times - but sometimes moving to my stomach: shaking, and trembling ("Oh, my nervous stomach," I … Continue reading Girl
The Weight We Carry
Originally written in 2020 I took the kids to the park yesterday and was looking forward to just checking out on my phone while they played. And then, 10 minutes after arriving, I was spotted by someone I had worked with years ago. As it turns out, she lives not far from me, and had … Continue reading The Weight We Carry
Yenita
“Mom. I’m no longer calling you Mom. From now on, I am calling you Yenita.” I stare at my six-year-old son Charlie as he tells me this – his face is deadpan but his eyes (large, dark eyes) have a glint in them. “Ok…” I say. “But where did Yenita come from?” He shrugs and … Continue reading Yenita
Pocket Sized 